Toilet Bowl Vortex

A lot has happened over the past year. February I lost a mentor and good friend to a massive stroke, dad Flake. I watched as he was removed from life support, his heart stopped and his body literally deflated. That whole night was a time of ministry like you won't believe. I prayed with Christian and Muslim alike and worked hard to help a family in crisis. When I arrived home at 2am, my Fall 2010 admissions letter from Lewis and Clark law school was waiting on me. I was denied admission to an institution that I've been walking around and creating visualizations since 2000. The only other time in my life that I've felt like I belonged someplace, other than Lewis & Clark, was when I stepped on the campus of UNLV (University of Nevada, Las Vegas). It's hard having that feeling but not being successful at gaining entry.

Next, in August my oldest child Victoria, age 6, was involved in a near drowning. I remember being faced with the possibility of bring home a dead child, a child that had survived but had brain damage, or a child that survived and would make a full recovery. Which ever I was going to face, I declared that 'God was good and that He is blessed.' Thinking in this manner set the tone for me and how I handled everything else that followed. Good thing I didn't get accepted to law school because it would 've been too much, right?

The final kick in the pants was not running the Portland Marathon this year. I had planned this out for the whole year. My visualizations were of coming across the finish line, having completed something that I put my heart and guts into. It would have been hard on my body and Kim knew that, so she asked me not to run. Tori would be home later that week and she'd need help. I knew what she said was true, but I felt like a failure and that I had given up. I never quit. No one seems to understand my level of disappointment in all this. I've tended not to show any disappointment, just realign myself and go for it, but go for what? My head is spinning. I get told pray about it--as if I don't, haven't, or didn't. Know this: I'm in a perpetual state of prayer, not just on my knees. But sometimes prayers have a 'to be continued...' attached to them. When God says wait, then I wait, but that is rare for me. The Word says 'the steps of a good man are ordered by God,' which denotes movement, not standing still. To law or not to law? To run or not to run? Well, one thing is for sure--I'm going to keep running. Everyone including me, needs 3 elements to life to make it feel worth wile: aim, purposeful direction, and meaning. If any of these are out of balance (quality vs quantity), then life seems to spin out of control. But here is a lasting thought--even a vortex has order in its spin.